There are many hard things we do in life. I am a runner. Training for a half marathon is hard work, but the mental, emotional, and physical benefits propel me. I know if I get to the top of a hill and achieve an aerial view, or catch a beautiful sunset, it will be worth it. Sometimes we are called to do something in life, and the path is clear, but once we get going the path is rocky, and we stumble, or falter, and begin to question why we started in the first place. I have experienced this in many callings in life, from motherhood, to birth work, to my church callings. "What is it that thou would have me do, and will it be worth it?" These instances, and many others, got me thinking of an analogy for birth.
Many women who come to me are wanting a natural birth. They know they want something that they can do for themselves, or maybe can't do for themselves, and all they need is someone who believes in them. Unfortunately, for some women, there is not one who believes in them. "Why would you want to do that?" or "Just have the epidural, I loved mine and it worked great" or "natural childbirth is 'risky.'" But something in them says no; or "more," or "better." These women of whom I speak intuitively know that their bodies are designed to give birth, and they choose not to succumb to modern medical interventions or the belief that their bodies "can't" give birth on their own. Some of these women were marketed a lie, that birth needs to be a medically managed event, a disaster "waiting" to happen, that they are putting themselves or their baby at risk, but they didn't buy it. This isn't to say that birth always goes according to plan, but most women, at least, start with a plan. Thoughts are after all seeds of action, and what happens in the mind will often manifest in the body. It is important to start with a plan, or as I say in running, "Train the mind, and the body will follow."
Childbirth education is so important in my practice. I find that the more a woman reads, studies, absorbs, watches, and "picks up" positive cultural stories and influences surrounding birth, and engrains that in her mind, truly believing it, the better her birth experience will be. "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" they say and I definitely find this true in preparing for childbirth in terms of study, meditation, training of the mind and body, and preparation leading up to birth. It usually becomes pretty evident in labor what a woman was or wasn't prepared for, so a little bit of prenatal education goes a long ways.
Now, to get to the waterfall analogy. I kept pushing my kids because I knew once they got there, it would be worth it. To let them come so far and not see the waterfall would be an injustice at best and a huge disappointment at least. True, we could turn back, and they'd never know what they'd be missing, but I knew, and the prospect of their satisfaction is what kept me going, through mosquito bites, tears, and a good amount of whining and complaining. That's not to say I didn't throw them on my back for a piggyback every so often, but for the most part, they were doing it themselves, and they were going to get the reward. If I had a dollar for every time a woman came to me and said, "If only someone had told me (in my last birth) how close I was to pushing, or complete dilation, I don't think I would have done... (A, B, or C,) usually it's get the epidural or succumb to some intervention. If only that nurse would have told me how close I was before offering the epidural, or medication, I don't think I would've taken it. Unfortunately, for most first-time moms, this epiphany doesn't come until in hindsight. I like to say there are no regrets in birth, only taking what we learn from it and moving forward. There are two main categories of moms who come to me: 1st time moms, and moms who have given birth before but want something "different." Often the case is healing from past birth trauma by creating a new experience. Those are the moms whom I am passionate about supporting.
I like to tell moms birthing for the first time, "When you think you can't take anymore in labor, there's no more to take. When you feel like you couldn't possibly handle anymore, pushing is right around the corner." The difference between a mom who achieves a natural birth and a woman who receives the epidural at 9 centimeters is this bit of knowledge. Despite the best of intentions, many women want to throw in the towel at 8-9 centimeters, and the most staunch of natural birthers may be asking for meds at this time. I know I always did with my 7 natural births, even if only in my head, which is how I came to recognize when I was in transition. Birth takes you to the edge of your limits then takes you over them. That is what makes birth so empowering; it proves our strength to ourselves, for natural childbirth gives a woman a reward that no one else can give her. No woman walks out of birth the same person; she is a mother, a gentle warrior, and forever changed. The physically demanding limits of childbirth prove our own strength to ourselves, giving us the strength and capacity to become strong, capable mothers. The newfound strength of a birthing mother will sustain her through those child-rearing years.
There's a reason why I don't go to women too early in labor: part of it is I don't choose to be on births for 24-48 hrs., but a large reason is I know my clients will want me alert, ready, and attentive when they need me most, and that is late active labor, transition and pushing. I feel my most valuable role as a doula, in terms of labor support, comes in at those last couple of centimeters, the time when a woman truly feels she cannot take anymore or that she is going to break, lose control, or worse that she is "never going to make it." We have talked about this in detail in a prenatal visit, and for the duration of pregnancy, and I am well aware of what her wishes are, and how to support her. I don't need her birth plan because it is engrained in *my* mind. "On a scale of 1 to 10, what is your desire for a natural birth" is one of the first questions I ask at a consultation, and her answer enables me to know how to best support her, for no one ever really has a natural birth "by coincidence." I am there to remind her of how close she is, to keep going, to get to the waterfall; her place of bliss. She has hired me for this. For I know that holding a newborn baby on your chest for the first time is a happiness unsurpassed by anything in this world, and no matter how many times I see it, it never gets tiring. There is nothing more rewarding than watching a woman become a mother, and as a mother, to watch that newfound strength and transformation unfold in another. It is a miracle, every single time.
*As a birth doula, I support all births, natural, medicated, cesarean, home, hospital, and birthing center births. For more information or to schedule a consultation, contact Lisa Hart CD(DONA) 530-919-0034 or www.facebook.com/lisahartbirthdoula.
